Been quite some time since i wrote anything. Past couple of months have been troublesome and very miserable. The reason? Well its right there in the title.

What do you when one fine day after 4 years of serious relationship your girlfriend wakes up and says its all over? Ya if you know what i am talking about that exactly what happened to me. Came like a shock which i am still to accept.

Human emotions can be pretty weird. They surprise you all the  time. I still wonder in  my numerous sleepless nights  ” How can the love be  over?  How  can you  just get over a person one fine day? “. She said it was since quite some time. But i disagree. I am not saying i was a perfect saint in a relationship. We used to have regular fights. But this was different. Suddenly i saw so much hatred in her which i have never seen in my life.

We have had some absolutely fabulous time as near as 3  months ago when we went biking for over 800 km in the ratnagiri ghats of Maharashtra. It was nice. She had some issues with my habits like smoking and drinking. I promised her i will cut down. and i did. I  quit drinking and cut down heavily on smoking. Any heavy smoker will agree you cant let it go immediately. I wanted to change and i did change. But she  refused to acknowledge any thing has changed. Weird hmmm..

I was so used to her ” good morning honey.. ” call every morning. and now today when i called up it was ” Dont bother me fucker”. How can possibly someone hate me so much. I was committed to her. I stopped talking or hanging out with many of my friends(girls) because she was insecure. And now she says this. Pretty interesting.

I always believed it takes more than just love for a relationship to survive.  I wonder how many girls and guys are out there who have woken up to hear the dreaded sentence ” Its all over honey” ?

Beats me. There is no one else in her life. Its just me and her. And now she hates me. I can feel the hatred in her voice. The day she said it was over, she fell sick . I was totally miserable and hurt with the things she had said earlier in the day. I saw her. She wasn’t well. I spent three sleepless nights taking care of her. I never slept a wink.  Nothing changed in her mind.

Once she got well it was again the same thing.

“Please fuck off from my life”

But i do feel good about the fact that i was there when she needed me.

Its very disturbing. Things fell apart right when i was looking to settle down. This leaves me with a feeling of distrust. I feel cheated out of four years of my life that i spent with her. I feel like hating her. But i cant because i still love her. Gotta get over this habit of loving her. It was just not worth it.

Peace.

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Before marriage:
He: “Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.”
She: “Do you want me to leave?”
He: “NO! Don’t even think about it.”
She: “Do you love me?”
He: “Of course!”
She: “Have you ever cheated on me?”
He: “NO! Why you even asking?”
She: “Will you kiss me?”
He: “Yes!”
She: “Will you hit me?”
He: “No way! I’m not that kind of person!”
She: “Can I trust you?”
After marriage:
Read it all again, only from bottom to top.

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TRUST

TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, “Public Utilities Board.” There was silence. She repeated, “PUB.” There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady’s voice, “Oh, so this is PUB.Sorry, I got the number from my Husband’s pocket but I do not know whose
number it is.”

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just “hello” instead of “PUB”.

NO POINTING FINGERS

A man asked his father-in-law, “Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?”
The father-in-law answered in a smile, “Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than
you.”

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.

CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested “I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one.” The SDU officer said, “Your requirements, please.” “Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my
leisure hour, if I don’t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.” The officer listened carefully and replied, “I understand you need television.”

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.

NO OVERPOWERING

Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that “It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person’s character.”

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations. .

RIGHT SPEECH

There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that “A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation.” Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,”Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school.” On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, “Luckily you married me.Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker.” She answered ,”You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you.”

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It’s like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.

PERSONAL PERCEPTION

Different people have different perception. One man’s meat could be another man’s poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home,a boy commented, “Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?”Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, “The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?” Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, “How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman.”
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, “Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you.” Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..

BE PATIENT

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy’s hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy’s hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, ” Daddy,I’m sorry about your truck.” Then he asked, “but when are my fingers going to grow back?” The father went home & committed
suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can’t. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

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Searching the net for an old article on relationships i came across this question which was asked a lot of times in many forums. What really interested me were the comments that followed the article. Its like igniting a spark and soon the jungle is on fire. On topic its quite a debatable question isn’t it. Its something that cant be judged without being in an relationship. Many are undecided and leave it to the time that it actually happens to decide whether it worked for the relationship or not. If you do a quick search on the net for the above question, you will find interesting replies.

sex is the best part of a relationship!

No.You can get only mental/physical satisfaction through sex.Nothing more than that.Relationship is beyond sex.

In reality, in the real world of honesty and truth, sex is a very important part of a relationship. Prove me wrong on that one.

Sex is a very important part in a relationship as it allows the couple to become more open and comfortable around on another

Sex is something that you and your ”lover” can enjoy together not something that is very important.

Sex is an important part of a relationship but if it is or becomes the most important aspect then there is no ”real” relationship. It can be the ultimate expression of love between two people, a way to communicate feelings that are difficult to express in words. It’s pretty darn important for procreation - obvious exceptions being infertility or disability. I helps build closeness and intimacy, relieves stress, gives comfort. Sex differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic relationship.

Love and sex are not the same thing; this is something some people never learn. Sex without love is just physical. Love without sex can be pure, spiritual and true. But sex with someone you love unequivocally, can be gentle and tender, hot and wild, comfortable or simply sublime.

And don’t ever forget that the most important sexual organ is the brain.

I would say yes, sex and sexual issue are very important. Crucial even. If sex was unimportant then cheating would also be considered unimportant. After sex, both partners’ brains release chemicals that make then feel happy and most importantly connected and in love. The effect is far stronger for women. Regular sex bonds a couple together. Needless to say this is far from the only thing bonding a couple. Any physical affection, cuddling, kisses, hugs, holding hands can have this effect as well as the connection from the shared experiences, conversations, similar interests etc. Sex will not always make or break a relationship but a terrible sex life (absent, violent, whatever) or a cheating partner can break a relationship. Sex is more important to some people than others. Some people prefer frequent sex, some people are once a week or even less often. These differences can cause problems. The key is compromise, sometimes you will be having sex that you aren’t fully in the mood for, sometimes you will want and go without, as long as one of you isn’t always giving way to the needs of the other you can work it out. Sex isn’t all there is to a great relationship but it is an important part.

In these days of cheap pornography and sexual perversion we are not made to realize the higher aspects of sex. It is reduced to a method of satisfying one’s physical drive rather than a deep spiritual and emotional bonding. Does heartfelt sex reflect love and tenderness? Yes it does. If you observe the mating of two sea anemone’s you cant help but realize the sanctity and sensitivity that they have for each other. It is a very impressive and beautiful sight. However we human beings, who are supposed to be evolved creatures, have largely forgotten the art and tender expression of sex.

Many consider sex as the most intimate aspect of a relationship. Many are in a relationship just for that. Sex can give pleasure and sex can break hearts. Sex can be really great for the relationship but it all depends on the individuals in the relationship. The intimate bond that it creates with your partner would surely have a long lasting effect on the relationship. But sex for fun doesn’t really result in an intimate and loving relationship.

People who think sex is the best part of relationship have probably not known how to enjoy other important aspects of the relationship. Such people should not be in a serious relationship. They more likely to cause hurt to their partner. And then there are those who believe sex is strictly a part of marriage. That leaves us to wonder if sex is strictly just a part of marriage then what is marriage? a license to have sex?

A successful relationship is like a mixed curry. Love, understanding, respect form the main ingredients. Throw in a bit of sex to spice up the taste!

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No matter what if you really want me to feel special u cal. but i have noticed lately you have changed a lot. my love 4 u, feelings of being, concern, carin, wantin 2 b wit u, talking, everything has faded. I cant be the same with you anymore. its over

It would seem the above quote is a message from a girl to her boyfriend who is fed up with their relationship due to the guys uncaring attitude. But in fact its not. Its a message that i got from one of my close friends who happens to be a girl when i was not able to call her yesterday. We are very close indeed. But when people start getting obsessed with individuals; this is what happens. The above message would have been appropriate if it was sent by my girlfriend. But strangely it came from my friend. I am not saying i don’t care about her. I do. She is very close to me. But like in any relationship its necessary to draw a line where friendship ends and where intimate relations and great expectations begin.

I do not know what people expect out of me. I do not understand the reason behind their expectations. I cant understand the reason behind such a strong worded message. Was it just because i was not able to talk to her yesterday? Or is it something else.
Relationships in my life are getting pretty difficult. I am having difficult time with almost everyone in my life. I wonder if its me who is to be blamed. So many people cant be wrong. Or is it that no one cares enough to understand my point of view? I am not a loner. I do have lots of friends. I like to socialize and i do whenever i get a chance to ( usually every evening!). I have close friends like the girl above who love me; and i love her too (as a friend). I have a girlfriend who is concerned about me. Then why is it that i am not able to make them understand my point of view. May be i should stop my personal ramblings here. But i am sure there are people out there like me who want to be understood.

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Expectations comes naturally to humans. Whether its from a daughter, son, boyfriend, girlfriend so on and so forth. What makes us expect so much from people we love? Whats makes us depend on them for comfort? May be the answer is too simple. May be its our nature that makes us think like that. A human brain is programmed to  be social. May be its the bond that we make with others around us that eventually leads us to expect things out of them. Ever thought how life would be if there were no expectations?

It would be really weird indeed. Personally i cant be in any relationship without some kind of expectations. Be it friendship or otherwise. There has to be some level of expectation which binds us together.  Its important to understand what are your expectations with any person in your life. And its equally important to understand the reason behind that expectation. If you end up expecting things from people that you yourself cant understand than how is it possible for the person from you are expecting these things; to understand it and acknowledge it.

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*Lights a smoke* *Listening to RHCP*

It has been a weird day. Had a argument with my girlfriend on something which i have been putting off since quite sometime. I am preparing for an important career examination. Been through 3 papers; with 1 more to go. But somehow for unknown reasons i have been putting it off and delaying it. Its been three months now. But something happened today. And i am glad for it. Had a argument with my girlfriend regarding it. She is really concerned about me and what i plan to do in life. As of now life seems to be going nowhere. But thanks to the discussion i am on my way to writing this exam next Wednesday. Who says fights have to be negative

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Ever promised your girlfriend that you will call up at 10 in the night and forgot to do that? Ever promised that you will do something for her and never did? Ever promised to meet her 7pm sharp and got late? These are everyday simple examples of how broken promises lead to broken hearts. These small things matter a lot in a relationship and can lead to a strained relationship in the future. Make a golden rule. If you cant keep a promise then don’t ever say it because once it becomes a habit it creates  problems and unnecessary heart breaks which can be avoided.

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Everyone in a relationship goes through a time when its becomes next to impossible to handle the other person. It happens in every relation because no one is perfect. We tend to take things for granted and before we know it; it gets difficult talking to the person. Fights, misunderstanding and irrelevant arguments replace all the sweet talks. I am no expert in this, but from what i have experienced; its very important to keep personal ego’s aside when trying to talk to your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend if you really want to fix a strained relationship. Its impossible to start talking all nice things all of a sudden after a big fight. There is really no need to do that. I personally believe its important to break the ice and someone has to take the first step. Let it be yourself. Its difficult. You will always ask yourself this question ‘why should I take the first step?’ As long as you don’t let this question bother you, you shall be fine.

A relation between two individuals is not just because of love. You might go into a relationship because of love but it takes more than just love to keep it going. It needs lot of understanding, patience and perseverance. Its easy to blame the other person and snap off ties but its very difficult to have enough patience to understand what the other person is going through. Be positive, be understanding, be sensitive to your partner’s feelings and love will do the rest and you will be back on track before you even realize it.

As someone rightly said

True love is totally unconditional

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